(OK, again, let me say that this is my blog & whatever I post on here is how I'm feeling at the moment. So, I mean no offense to any of you when I say the things I am going to say.)
Recently I saw someone I hadn't seen in almost two months. When I first met this person she was married. She & her husband started having problems (I'd say the root of the problems was split equally between the two of them. But, I'm not the one who was in the relationship, so that is just my opinion; the opinion of an outsider who knew both parties in the relationship.) ANYHOW- I knew this person was dating someone new the last time I saw her. When I saw her again the other day, she was remarried!!! Imagine my surprise! I told her congratulations & that I was happy for her. Inside, I was thinking "Another one?? WTH? What's wrong with me?"
Seriously, I guess this is just a pity party. However, what baffles the heck out of me is that some people get so many chances at love. I have yet to have that opportunity. Don't get me wrong, I have been near marriage once- but didn't go through with it because something just didn't seem right. I HAVE been in love. (Now I'm in love with my daughter.) What is it with me that is a repellent to men? Seriously. Do I have an absolutely terrible personality? Am I too stupid? Am I too smart? Am I too irritating? Am I ugly? Am I disgustingly obese to the point that no man would want to have me on his arm- much less touch me? Do I stink? Do I have halitosis? Am I looking at the wrong men? (You know what I mean here....you see nerdy people end up together; sporty people end up together; organic people end up together, etc.) Am I really a huge nerd & I'm unaware of this? (Funny insert here...a really good friend of mine whom I have been friends with the majority of our lives never had the opportunity to meet Quinlynne's genetic materials donor. When she found out that he was an athletic sort & had even played college football her mouth fell open. She couldn't believe I'd mated with an athlete! lol) Seriously....I want to know what it is about me that I may need to fix. Inside my head- I'm happy with almost every aspect of myself..except my body. I mean, there are a few things I want to learn how to do (like run) and those are personal goals of mine. BUT- I don't think my body is so terrible that it's not relationship material. I've seen women with much frumpier bodies than my own have great relationships with nice men.
Why is it that some people get so many chances at love and happiness in a relationship & marriage while I can't even get one?? It's heartbreaking at times, to say the least. Now let's all sing along...poor, poor pitiful me. That's my pity party & I just wanted to get it off my chest.
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4 comments:
I have wondered this so many times, too!--not about YOU, but about people in general. I mean, there are some scuzzy people out there who have mated with MULTIPLE people. Wha???!! I think it is one of the great mysteries of the universe which will confound me until the day I die.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with you, either!
There is nothing wrong with you. I wish I had a five second glimpse into the grand scheme of things. But I know one thing for absolutely sure (and here's where I wax a tad spiritual): the Lord's timetable is not our timetable.
It is a truth that both sucks and blows in all kinds of ways. I don't know why I had to endure ten years of fertility treatments to make two babies. I don't know why the other six didn't make it. But what I know for sure is that my children did not come one second before they were meant to come, and I had no control over it. I just had to keep moving forward. And so it is with every good thing we desire.
I love what Elder Holland said:
"Some blessings come early, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those that embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come."
NOTHING wrong with you. Men suck. And it is not easy to find the right person. And this friend might end up divorced a second time, you never know.
1. You are incredibly busy! You don't have time to really meet men.
2. You have a kid and like it or not that scares men away.
3. It will happen. I think that the fact that it hasn't yet bodes well for you. When it does it will be spectacular.
I fell in love at 19 and look how that turned out!!!
Some people will fall for anyone. Or date anyone in the hopes of finding HIM. You have standards. That's a good thing.
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