I have never been a huge fan of new Year's Eve. Maybe because to me, it's depressing. And here's why: I never have anyone to turn to and yell "Happy New Year!!", hug & get a sloppy kiss from. Now, if you have a husband & you get put out with him....keep your comments to yourself; let me live in my little fantasy world for a while. If you were young (below the age of 24) when you got married...keep your comments to yourself. There is NO WAY you can possibly understand what it feels like to be by yourself at the stage I am at in life. I am THIRTY-FOUR years of age. No one of the opposite sex wants me to be theirs. AND, as I was discussing with one of my friends just the other day, just because you're single and this age, does not erase your feelings of sexual cravings. My friend and I included in this sexual cravings category- just being touched. Someone to touch your back, give you a quick hug, pat your arm, shoulder or leg.... and I don't need to go into what other kind of sexual cravings I have, do I? Yes, it sucks.
In fact, just this past week I met up with a man I hadn't seen since 2004, or maybe it was 2003. He and I went out a few times back then. He has since moved to Houston. He was in town for the holidays & was staying with his sister. He is a handsome man. He had grown a goatee since the last time I saw him. It was very sexy. The moustache part was still dark, but the beard part was mainly salt with some pepper. He is Native American, so he has these nice full lips. He is tall, something like 6'3". We were sitting together at a table and I had these visual images of sliding up next to his side and smooshing myself against him.....for the human contact. I fit so nicely under his shoulder, if I remember correctly. Alas, I contained myself. I didn't want the poor man knowing I was desperate. But see, how sad is it when I'm having daydreams about sidling up next to someone, to feel their body heat??
So, this is my fantasy: I have a man who desires me to be by his side because he wants me. It is New Year's Eve. We decide to go someplace where there are adults, ie. Times Square, a church dance, a club, another couple's house. We are dressed nicely and with a hint of sexiness- which means we both smell delectable. It gets close to midnight, we all count backwards from 10-1. We tell each other "Happy New Year" and he gives me a kiss I almost have to wipe my mouth after. Then, we give each other a hug.
Now see, is this too far fetched of a fantasy? Have I watched too many episodes of "Days of Our Lives"?
Instead, this is what I get.
Granted, I love the company, and the cookies were yummy.....but it's a far cry from my New Year's kiss. And yes, I cried once again.
